Thursday, October 7, 2010

I'm Soooo Stressed....

I say I am stressed out at least ten times a day. I could be laying in bed with nowhere to go and absolutely not one thing to do, and the words “I am so stressed” will come flying out of my mouth for no reason. That's obnoxious. I am surprised someone hasn't punched me in the neck by now. Seriously. Homeless people should be stressed out. Scott Peterson should be stressed out. Haley should not be stressed out. I mean, I don't have a lot of money to throw around at the strip club, but internet porn is free and I don't really like to leave the house anyways. And its not like I am so poor that I am living like a medieval wench and blogging by candle light while lice crawl all over my body. I can pay my electric bill most of the time. And I got rid of the lice last week.

When I call up my mother to complain about my stress, she always says “ I thought all this exercise would be making you less of a raging bitch.” Melansons don't hold back.. And then I say “ I know Ma, I don't know why I am still a stressed out mental case. By the way, I'm coming home on Saturday, so please give me $60 or I'll flip the f*ck out.” And then I hang up and start driving 100 miles per hour weaving in and out of traffic like a black dude in a 1995 Lexus. Talking on the phone stresses me out.

Eventually, after enough of these really uplifting and beautiful conversations with the woman who birthed my gigantic head, I came to the realization that maybe she was right. I read everywhere that exercise is supposed to release endorphins and make you feel great all day. So why do I still feel stressed?

Personally, I hate all this talk about how exercise releases endorphins, because I found a list of things that cause your brain to release them and one of them was “riding a dolphin.” HUH? A) I hate dolphins more than anything (skins too tight, they look like they might explode) and B) WHO RIDES DOLPHINS? Like, when I am in a bad mood I watch Family Guy and tell people what I hate about them. I think hitching a ride on a marine mammal is a little extreme. I'll get my endorphins from watching hilarious television and basking in the misery of others. I'm all set with Flipper and his rubbery, clicking, gyrating friends. Weird.

Don't get me wrong, I know that endorphins are real, I'm not an idiot. I HAVE noticed that during, and immediately following a workout, I feel GREAT. I am smiling like a freak, laughing at horrible jokes, talking to everyone about nothing, high-fiving people I don't even know...its like I am on drugs. But this feeling only lasts about twenty or so minutes, and then I am in my car worrying about all the things I have to do when I get home and working myself into a tizzy over how much I hate Sammi Sweetheart. Seriously, Snooks and J-Woww were just trying to help you with that note...Ronnie is a midget from hell. Great now I am all worked up. Get me a dolphin.

I am writing this post because I am curious to see how other people feel. I love exercise. I love the way it makes my body look and feel. I love that I look good in clothes. I love that I feel like I am being productive on the days I go to the gym. But as far as stress goes, I don't really know how effective exercise is for me. Don't get me wrong, I can channel my anger into a workout better than anybody. I actually think this is a really useful tool. But if something is bothering me before I go to the gym, its going to be bothering me again about a half hour after I am done working out, even if I use that particular issue as my motivation. So let me know! What do you think? Does working out relieve your stress for the whole day? Or are you like me and you just have the relief for a short period after, and then you start to think about the Jersey Shore and want to put your fist through your windshield? OK, maybe I'm being dramatic. But I really want to know. How long are you feeling “stress free” after your workout is over? OH GEEZE, I hope someone answers me.

PS: I don't know why that picture says “Pic Unrelated” on it. I don't really care either.


  1. Halesboo, since I am also a stressed out freak I know what you mean about exercise not helping you be stress-free, carefree, lovin life all day. BUT I always think about how much MORE stressed and psychotic I would be if I DIDN'T work out. I think the exercise probably helps you more than you think.

  2. HI Halez. I have a couple comments for ya. First off I think riding a dolphin would actually release so much stress and make me very happy. If it was in a tank and not in an ocean. If it was in an ocean I'd be freaking out that I was going to get attacked by a shark the whole time.

    Second of all I think if you switched some of your dead lifting, power squatting workouts for some yoga where you got your savasana on you might feel a little less stressed. I know the last time you went that kid farting in front of us really threw you off but come try again and I swear you will feel stress free.

  3. Hi GuRlZ GoNe WiLd...i agree that working out makes me less stressed. i am sure it would be worse if I didnt exercise at all. I just wish that energized and positive feeling would last the whole day. I dont want to get my savasana on anymore. Everyone in the place whispers and fart and smells and whitney goes everywhere too fast and i am afraid im going to leave all my stuff there.

  4. hahahhaha. life is a race to the grave hales.