Rainy Monday...

I have a major problem. Well, I have several major problems, but specifically relating to this blog I have one specific dilemma. I can't think of anything to say about my month of not drinking. Nothing happened. It wasn't that hard, I didn't lose any weight, and if I wrote a whole post about it nobody would read this blog ever again. I'm not really sure why I thought a month of not drinking was going to make for a really hilarious and insightful post at the end of the 30 days. It didn't. It resulted in this crap. So I'm not saying anything else about it.

Fight Gone Bad was awesome. Thanks to everyone who donated, and if anyone reading this was there, good job. I still hate exercising in front of people. I was so nervous. I tried not to show it but I almost peed my pants. I always sign up for the first round of everything so I can be done with it before everyone else. I don't like to wait around and be nervous. That just allows more time for people to try and talk to me while I'm all distracted and I act all weird and people probably think I'm either slow or a serial killer. I'd rather just avoid that, so I go first. This is boring too. I'm sorry.

I switched buildings today at work so I feel really bizarre. I'm in the Meditech building right on the highway, so if you're driving on 128 you should moon me or something. It might wake me up. I am exhausted because I didn't go to sleep until 6:30am on Sunday morning. I stayed up all night talking with my friend Renee about her vacation to Gator World. She asked for that shout out. And she really went to Gator World.

I want to post some pictures from Fight Gone Bad so everyone can see how cool I am, but I don't think anyone has put any up yet. There is a video circulating facebook that shows footage of everyone doing the workout but I AM NOT IN IT. Maybe that's for the best though. I look like I am trying to give birth to a manatee when I exercise. I probably was in the video originally and got edited out for being too terrifying. Or sexy.

So that's my life for today. I apologize for the lack of earth shattering events. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am super poor and borderline narcoleptic, so if you have been holding on to any hopes of me writing posts about doing something exciting, you should let them go. Sometimes its hard to find material when all you do is workout, eat, and talk about Gator World. But nobody can ever say I didn't try.


By the way, here is a link to a website I found for Paleo Recipes. Its called PaleoGirls which I like, because I am a girl.And PaleoBoys sounds like porn.

Busy Week...

I apologize for the lack of posts this week. For once, I am busy at work with actual things to do! It sucks changing jobs and you just sit there and feel like more of a pain in the ass than a help. But now I am slowly (very slowly) starting to help out. Then by the time I get home from the gym and eat its late and I pass out. My life is so thrilling.

The Paleo Challenge is going great. I haven't had any major cheats or lost that many food points. Sunday night I had a Blizzard. It was awesome. So that was a 2 point day because otherwise I was perfection. How is everyone else doing?

Tomorrow marks my one month of no booze. I will post my reflections on the month probably sometime tomorrow afternoon. 99% sure its going to either be a haiku or just my mug shot when I get arrested for drinking out of a box of Franzia while driving to work tomorrow morning. Same same.

Also, even though I have already solicited the living crap out of everyone I know, Saturday is Fight Gone Bad at CrossFit508. If anyone is interested in donating, there is a link to my page a few posts down. Also, if anyone wants to come, let me know. It really will be so fun and I am going to drink a beer directly afterwards so maybe I will let you have one (no I won't, bring your own.) But for realz, its for a good cause and I promise you will come out of it alive.

OK, I gotta get back to work. Busy woman/girl. At least its Thursday. Thursday is a good day. Especially today because its the first day of fall. :) This means I get to buy tons of new clothes and wear them to my couch. :)

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For..

OK, it's Paleo Challenge time. I got the rules at my gym, and this challenge is going to be easier than I thought. Not easy in the sense that you can eat whatever you want, but easy as in any idiot can follow it. So here is how it works.

4 Points - Perfect day. No cheating at all. You ate meat,eggs, vegetables, nuts and some fruit. You also drank a shizz ton of water. Good job.

3 Points - One tiny cheat. You had cream in your coffee or a spoonful of peanut butter. Even using ketchup makes it a 3 point day.

2 Points- One medium sized cheat. Everything is Paleo but you drank a beer, or you ate a baked potato. You are accumulating fat by the second. Get with the program.

1 Point- One bad meal. You eat a Paleo breakfast and lunch but then you take down a bag of chips,a burger (with bread)and fries. Everyone hates you at this point.

0 Points - You got your period today. You ate ice cream for breakfast, 15 twinkies for lunch, a box of Rice Krispie Treat cereal for a snack, and 75 candy necklaces for dinner. You also drank a 12 pack of coke and 30 pack of Guinness. A zero point day is when you just blow it.


Additional Information:

4 Points for every CrossFit workout you do.
1 Point for every half hour of additional exercise.


I understand that if you are going to do this challenge off this blog you might be saying " who cares about all these points if I am not going to win a trip to spring break Cancun at the end?" I know. It sucks that I am too poor to offer a prize. I would also love to shake my thang for Carson Daly on a stage in front of thousands of sexy frat boys. But, even though I cant offer you anything except a virtual hug for participating in this challenge, keeping track of the points is a good way to avoid letting yourself down. You aren't going to feel good after a zero point day, so why not try to see how long you can go without having one? Then,at the end of the month when you look like a total dreamboat, you can send yourself and your new hot body on the tropical vacation of a lifetime. And invite me. And pay for me. And tell everyone we meet how awesome I am. Oh wow, this is the best challenge ever.


One more thing...

I know that I have been obsessed with eating plain Chobani yogurt since the day Health Gone Wild was born (and it was not an easy delivery.) So I have some bad news about that. No more yogurt. No more cheese. No more dairy unless its Raw Milk. Raw Milk is unpasturized and you need to get it at a farm. If you're interested, let me know and I can tell you where I get mine. Its not gross. I was so freaked out by it, but its fine. The cows eat grass, not candy and corn (and maybe candy corns,) like the cows in those giant milking warehouses. This means they don't have ecoli or any weird diseases that could make you sick. I know that cutting out dairy is really strict, so if you want to take all 3 point days and have some plain greek yogurt, thats your call. No judgment here. But I will probably secretly hate you.

I am starting this challenge today. Its 9:39 am and so far, so good. I have been awake for almost 3 whole hours. Don't hesitate to email me with any questions about anything. Seriously, anything. I know a lot and I love gossip. Remember: meat, eggs, nuts (no peanuts), vegetables, fruit. If its not on that list, you probably can't eat it. Good luck!

Here are some pictures of food I ate this weekend.



This is a chicken. Its Nature's Promise from Stop and Shop. I also made meatballs to go with it to watch the Patriots game. Meatfest 2010 was a major hit.



These are scallops wrapped in bacon. These are so easy to make. Just cook the bacon a tiny bit, wrap it around the outside of the scallop like a tire (this way you can just cook the scallop right in the frying pan.) Little salt,pepper, and lemon. 2 minutes on each side in the pan. Notice they are half gone because I ate some before the picture was taken. Talk about rich people food, huh??????



Roast beef, broccoli, and mashed sweet potato with cinnamon and butter. This had me sound asleep by 9:30pm on Saturday.



This is Ned. He's sleeping off his depression because he doesn't have any balls anymore. Apparently castrations a real bitch.

FIGHT GONE BAD

I am participating in a fundraiser at my gym for the Wounded Warriors and Livestrong Foundations called Fight Gone Bad. Instead of doing a road race, CrossFitters all come together to do Fight Gone Bad, which is one of the recurring CrossFit workouts. This event is going down Saturday September 25th from 7-11am at CrossFit508 in Attleboro and it is open to ANYONE. I would really appreciate any donations, but I would LOVE if anyone reading this would want to come down and participate. The workout can be scaled to anyones abilities, and several people work at the same time at different stations. This way, you don't have to be scared of coming in LAST PLACE! I PROMISE a great time to anyone who shows up, so feel free to ask me any questions.

I am currently in no position to be donating to charities, so no worries if you are just too poor to help. But even $2 will make a difference! :)

Here is the link to donate to the cause.

FIGHT GONE BAD

Let Me Explain...

I have no clue how to describe CrossFit to people. When people ask me what CrossFit is I say the dumbest things. I start to ramble off weird words like “kettle bell” and “double under,” then things get uncomfortable, and nobody learns shizz about shizz. I think because I'm a girl, a lot of people think that CrossFit is like Curves. I have been asked if its like Curves at least three times. Is that all you idiots think I am capable of? Parading around in a ridiculous circle of machines with a group of geriatric women fake laughing at their tales of hot flashes and hemorrhoids? Even fat Haley wouldn't go to Curves. Get real.

I try to make it clear that CrossFit is probably the exact opposite of a program like Curves, but my explanation always leaves people looking like I just told them I chase lovable woodland creatures and strangle them for my daily exercise (that's only when I can't afford groceries.) I say “Oh, its a fitness program where you combine strength and cardio, and you do a lot of body weight exercises like pull-ups, and then you do Olympic lifting.” Then I get a blank stare and another add-on to the list of “People Who Think Haley is Out of Her Goddamned Mind.” Awesome.

While I think that CrossFit is probably the best thing that ever happened to me besides fat Gary from Teen Mom, the one problem with it is that ITS SO FRICKEN HARD TO EXPLAIN. The only way I can successfully get someone to comprehend what I am doing in the gym is by describing specific workouts, and people hate that. They lose interest. They start looking around, checking their phone, and texting their homies saying “OMG Haley iz a total d-bag LOL.” I cant be responsible for this anymore!

So I am going to try to describe CrossFit right now. I am going to write it out, and much like everything else I do, its going to be mind-blowing. If you still don't get it, its OK (no its not.) Just ask me a question in the comments!

Here we go:

So CrossFit workouts are really hard. Harder than almost anything else that you will ever do. Some days you go in and the workout is that you get seven tries to deadlift as much weight as you can. On other days the workouts are more cardio intensive.. An example would be, 5 Rounds of run 400 meters, 20 pullups, and 20 box jumps. Then there are the days where the workouts are quick and involve both strength and cardio. For example, the dreaded “Fran” takes under ten minutes, but I have literally shed a tear over this workout. 21-15-9 of Thrusters (google it) and pull-ups. I have a shirt that says “ I Love Fran” but guess what? I f*cking hate Fran.

Aside from the occasional “Run 5K” workout (maybe once a year,) the longest run you will see in a workout is a mile and even that is rare. Mostly you run 400 or 800 meters at a time (1 or 2 laps of a track.) The cardio exercise that you do in a CrossFit workout is just so far beyond running 3-4 miles I can't even describe it. Running 2 laps and doing 20 burpees 5 times is so much more difficult than just running for a half hour. Occasionally I will go for a 4 mile run to clear my head, and I am a better runner than I ever have been. People need to lose their mentality that you need to run for an hour to be in shape, and open up their minds to CrossFit, where you build strength and endurance AT THE SAME TIME.

Maybe this was helpful, maybe it wasn't. If anyone has a great way to explain CrossFit in one or two sentences and have people actually understand it, please let me know. For now, I am just going to stop talking about it and let my results speak for themselves. That's a lie, I never stop talking.

Namaste!

I am still sore from that 9/11 shindig. My workout this morning almost ended in a mental breakdown. My legs felt like they were made of cement and jelly (which coincidentally is also my favorite sandwich.) So tonight, I am going to hot yoga to stretch my large limbs all over the place. I have so many reasons to hate yoga. I hate the smell of the place. I hate the weirdos who teach the classes and then drive off all nervous in their Prius' with 100 vegetarian and coexist bumper stickers on them. I hate when everyone is barefoot. I hate straight men who act like doing yoga isn't gay. I could talk all day about how I hate yoga so much, but I won't because I love yoga so much.

The best part about hot yoga is the heat. I like sweating in certain situations. When I am exercising, sweat means I am working hard. When I am sitting in a room with giant pit stains and everybody else is freezing, it just means I ate too much and got the sweats. So during yoga, I like it to be as hot as possible so my sweat can drip off of my body and all over the room. This serves a double purpose, because if the 95lb, male, yoga instructor who is most likely an albino murders me and chucks me in a dumpster, I have already saturated the yoga room with my DNA...and I probably stuck my gum under my rental mat too.

Anyways, I really need to stretch my hammies, so at 7:30pm Eastern Time feel free to visualize me amongst the hipsters, in a 115 degree room trying to locate my third eye. That sounds gross. I feel like I should be saying “ Yea, I'll give ya a third eye..” but I don't quite know what I would be referencing so I'll let it go for now. But yes, tonight I am going to ignore all the sissy men, gross bare feet, and 100 asses in my face, so I can shake all this tension out of my muscles and finally be able to walk around the office and not look like a penguin with a peg leg. I hope somebody farts.

Paleo Challenge Update...and a Workout to Try!

I want to address the Paleo Challenge that I mentioned last month. If you haven't noticed, it hasn't happened. I announced it loud and proud that the kickoff would be September 1st, and it wasn't. I am the worst.

I promise you everything I am worth ( 2 cats and by now maybe the steering wheel of my Jeep) that I did not forget about this. There is a good reason why this challenge is on hold. I am waiting to get the guidelines from my gym, because I want the Health Gone Wild challenge to be exactly the same as the CrossFit508 challenge. This is so I don't get confused, and also so I know that the challenge has the appropriate level of do-ability. I don't want it to be so easy that we all gain weight and commit suicide. On the flipside, I don't want to be responsible for you fainting at the gym DJ Tanner style because you starved yourself to avoid being fatter than Gibbler at the boy/girl pool party. This Paleo Challenge is about FEELING better. I have no time for eating disorders and I honestly don't give an F how you look in a bathing suit (I still accept pictures though.) So, the new challenge kick-off date is September 18th. Stay tuned, cuties.

I know you are all dying to know, so I won't drag it out any longer. The September 11th Honor Workout that I mentioned in my last post was awesome. Thanks for asking. It was so hard, but I did it. I suck royally at deadlifts, and the first part of the workout was 100 deadlifts at 115lbs. This is how my life tends to work. Anyways, I suck so bad at deadlifting that prior to this 9/11 workout, the coaches at my gym filmed me doing them to show me how terrifying the situation really was. I looked like Grandmother Willow. I always use that term to talk about people who are really tall and weird looking and give off the illusion that they cannot control their humungous limbs. That was me in the video. Grandmother Willow. It was embarrassing.

Thankfully, by the time I got to CrossFit Providence on Saturday morning, I had done enough deadlift practicing in my head (way too lazy to practice them for real) that I marched right in there and did the best deadlift anyone has ever seen including God. I let Nick get first place in our round, which was smart of me because he was so happy with himself that he ran right home and cooked that chicken for me. He really doesn't know how lucky he is to have me.

OK Now that we are all caught up on my rock star life, I realize that I have not posted a workout for people to try in a long time. Today I am going to post a workout that I recently did in my front yard. This is a fun one because you do it with a partner. If you don't have any friends, please don't call me because this workout was hard and I already did it once. But you have done it ZERO times, so get on the Craigslist “Platonic Friends” section and find a suitable partner. Then later go back to the “Casual Encounters” and find ME a suitable partner....K here we go...

3 Rounds.

Partner A walks 100 meters holding 2 30lb dumbbells. One in each hand down by your sides. If you don't have dumbbells find something heavy. You can also just hold one giant heavy thing, over your head. I don't care what it is.

Partner B- Does burpees while this is happening. A burpee is when you jump down on your bully, then jump back up and clap over your head.

THEN SWITCH. So now partner B goes for the walk while partner A burpees.

When Partner B gets back from the “heavy object walk” Partner A stops doing burpees and goes for a 250 meter run.

Partner B will begin doing box jumps. If you don't have a 20inch wooden box, you cant jump onto anything. Stairs, a stump, or just jump up as high as you can.

When Partner A returns, SWITCH.

This is one round.

Keep track of box jumps and burpees and that will be your “score.” Try to beat your partner. If they beat you, get a new partner next time.

If you can't measure out 100 and 250 meters. The walk should take a minute and the run about a minute and a half.***

So basically

Partner A – walk with weight Partner B- Burpee
Partner B- walk with weight Partner A- Burpee

Partner A- go for run Partner B – jump
Partner B- go for run Partner A- jump

Do it three times.


I love you. Bye.

I Couldn't Even Tell You What This Post Is About...

Weekends here! Lets see what I have lined up. Tonight...ehh. I was up at 5am to workout, so I give it until 8:30pm before I pass out on the couch watching Bridezillas. I seriously love that show. It makes me feel so much less crazy, and let me tell you there are some days where I am cruising on that crazy train at about 160mph. That brings me to Saturday. In the morning I am actually doing something important for a change. I am going to CrossFit Providence at 7am (sleeping in woohoo!) to do a 9/11 honor workout. I am petrified because there might be mad peeps there and I get performance anxiety when it comes to exercise. I have been told I walk weird, run weird, and look ridiculous playing sports, so naturally, the idea of flailing my body around for a crowd makes me want to pass on (not a typo.)

But after that workout is done, I am going to try to avoid getting into a pile-up with all the Providence hood-rats in their 2 door Civics, so I can get home and cook a whole chicken. Then I am going to eat until I puke right on the floor like a 2 year old. Its gonna be awesome. I should mention that I have absolutely no idea how to cook a chicken and also absolutely no American currency to purchase any side dishes ( I have 20 British pounds in the top drawer of my nightstand.) So Saturday night its me vs. the chicken. I'm predicting a sad, sad defeat.

Luckily, most of the time Saturday is followed by Sunday, so I get to watch football which is awesome. I don't even think I can name any Patriots players anymore except for Tom Brady and only because he is a car smashing man-whore. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy coming within inches of 20-30 heart attacks during every Pats game, so bring it on, dudes! Mother of Christ I love the excitement that comes along with a life of poverty and sobriety. Really makes you appreciate the things you have (coffee, a couch, 20 British pounds, etc...)

In case you didn't notice, I said poverty and SOBRIETY which means I am still not drinking. In fact I am more than halfway through my 30 days. Wednesday was day 15 so that makes today day 17!!! I feel incredible. Just like Britney Spears after she gives her raggamuffin children the old 1-2 with a belt (DID YOU READ THOSE ALLEGATIONS? WTF?) But in all seriousness, since I stopped drinking, I notice that I can think clearer, I have more ambition, I remember things better, I don't have to issue mass apologies every Monday...its the best. Only problem, I haven't lost any weight. I WOULD find this discouraging because its pretty much the whole reason I stopped drinking in the first place, but I noticed that my clothes are fitting better so I am pretty sure I haven't gotten fatter. If you have seen me recently and LOLed at that last sentence because I am actually gigantic and just stupid as f*ck, please call me. I won't even be mad.

Well, I guess this post is kind of pointless, but I felt like writing and wanted to give a little update about whether I had fallen off the wagon. I have considered purposely launching off the wagon and getting super tanked just so I could tell you all the story, but then nobody would be impressed with me and I will never be a true hero like Susan B. Anthony or Jared the Subway Guy. Just kidding I hate those two.

To keep the pointless-ness of this post to a minimum, I am going to post what I eat for breakfast on most days. This may seem random, but its a question people ask me CONSTANTLY. Whenever I try to convert someone to the Paleo Diet (so like once an hour,) whoever I am talking to looks at me like I told them to lick Pamela Anderson's toilet seat and says in their best Veruca Salt voice “ But what will I eat for breakfast, Daddy?”

OK they don't call me Daddy (every time,) but this question bothers me, so here is what I eat for breakfast. I don't want to hear about how you don't think you could eat this because you don't have time or you are homeless, or WHATEVER. This is what I eat, and if you would like to try it, take it for a spin around the block. If not, I hope you starve to death. Happy Friday everybody!

Some Days Haley Eats

2 fried eggs. I like them over easy. Cage-free organic. You don't want them from the factory with the maggots.
3-4 slices of avocado. I used to hate avocados. But I forced myself to deal with it and now I love them. This mirrors how I feel about Nick.
Salsa on the eggs.
1oz of Parmesan cheese. You can buy blocks of this at Stop and Shop near the deli. It's really expensive which sucks, but it tastes so good. If you don't know what an ounce is...I would say a little less than half a deck of cards.

Other Days Haley Eats

Plain Chobani Yogurt. I buy the big container which has 4 servings, so try to eat about ¼ the container in a sitting.
Sprinkle on some cinnamon.
2 Tablespoons of Trader Joe's crunchy almond butter.
One scoop of whey protein powder.
SIDENOTE: you can substitute the yogurt for cottage cheese to switch it up. Its not gross, cottage cheese takes on the flavor of whatever u put in it so it tastes awesome.

AND FINALLY...here is a picture of me having fun at the gym....If you want to picture me at any point during this weekend, just come back and have a look at this masterpiece taken at CrossFit508 sometime last week when I was delirious and had no clue!

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Alert the media! Oh wait, that already happened. Apparently, some study was conducted and the results were that people who treat their bodies like shizz are more likely to blame their problems on genetics. Oh wow, so shocking, I just can't believe it.

How is this study even worth publishing? Let me create a real life example for all of you. Who would you expect to just blame their poor health on their genes? Someone sitting outside Burger King drunk and smoking butts waiting for their Double Whopper to be brought out by the drive-thru guy because they forgot the mayo...or someone who is a non-smoker, participates in frequent exercise, and eats healthy except for the occassional Butterfinger (ok its me.) I mean really! Is it that big of a shock to society that when people get to what they feel is the "point of no return" they just give up and blame it on genetics? Its not your genes that made you have Type 2 Diabetes...its the Slurpee/Frito combo that you get everyday at Cumby's for 99cents. I mean you are obviously very financially responsible because thats a kick ass deal, but when you are 350lbs complaining that your knees hurt because arthritis runs in your family, something aint right kid!

I consider myself a pioneer of a lot of things. Comedy, fashion, awkward moments, and most importantly fitness. Nobody in my immediate family had even heard of CrossFit or any other exercise program like it before I came flying in one day like a maniac and couldn't stop talking about it. If my family went on Family Double Dare I would definitely be team captain. And we would win or I would put myself right up for adoption which at my age I think means you're a hooker. Whatever. The point is...you are YOU. And while genetics do play a role in everything from how you look to your health, GENES ARE NOT THE ONLY FACTOR. I mean look at Kelly Osborne. She was a big fat walking bag of drugs for a long ass time. But now she is skinny and even looks kind of like a girl. Her father ate the mother effing head off a bat and her mother was clinically obese for years! Be Kelly Osborne mofos. You create your own fricken destiny, so why not look and feel good while creating it?

Still Going Strong...

The long weekend came and went and I didn't cave in. Thats right, I made it through Labor Day (which has been #1 on my list of favorite holidays since childhood) without drinking. That will be two full weeks tomorrow, which is the longest I have gone without drinking probably since I was born. Or at least since I came across some peeps who were 21 and would drop me off a 30 rack in the woods that I could pick up later. I was such a sneaky little bitch.

In case you are wondering, giving up alcohol has not resulted in me losing those 7lbs I want to lose. In fact, I have GAINED 5lbs. In my own defense, I was a machine in the gym last week and could not stop PR'ing to save my life. I shoulder pressed ten pounds more than I ever have and ran a 7 minute mile. So I can't say for certain that these are definitely just 5lbs of lard. However, in order to prevent any further expansion of my body I am back to the strict Paleo Diet that I was so good at before the summer came. F'ing cookouts!

What that means is I will no longer be purchasing ice cream or eating ANY candy at all from the office candy drawer or anywhere else in the office. My boss brought in some candy from Ireland last week and I ate it because I didn't want to get fired. In retrospect, that was ridiculous. I am way too hot to get fired.

I feel that it is important to note that my cravings for alcohol have been decreasing over time. In the beginning, it was a little weird being in a situation where I would usually be slamming down brewskis and not having an ice cold can in my hand. But as time passes, I miss booze less and less. This could be because I have replaced alcohol with caffeine, but I am slowly weaning myself off the whole seven coffees a day gig too. I am thinking of replacing the caffeine with either a japanese anime collection or sex. Decisions, decisions...

I couldn't really think of a relevant picture to go with this post so here are my cats. They were left on the side of the highway and we saved them. Now they are free to drag floss and Q-Tips out of the trash and all over the house until their dying day. So without further introduction, here is Ned and Penguin! Aren't they cute as hell?



Penguin



Ned

Soooo...

How we doin'? What's everyone up to? I am sitting here at 10:32pm on a Saturday eating Swedish Fish and watching Never Been Kissed. I feel like I'm back in 1998 sitting alone at my house because I was never allowed to have sleepovers at my house and nobody ever invited me to their house. Everyone's parents wanted to kill me because I was too loud and stayed up all night talking. So yea, the part in the movie where Josie gets egged in the face by the guy hanging out the limo sunroof is coming up, so I'm gonna go. But I hope you are all super drunk out at bars dancing and making out. Anyone wanna come over and dance and make out???

Told You I Hated My Family...

Well isn't this a Friday delight. My sister recently informed me that my Dad has been leaving anonymous comments on my blog posts thinking he is so funny. Clearly from this picture we can all see that the correct word for him is "special." Anyways, this is a post to make this freak aware that his anonymous posts aren't working and he needs to take out his grill and ask someone how to use a computer. Seriously...its 2010.

Happy Long Weekend!

Well...here comes my long weekend with no alcohol. Bring on the caffeine! Happy Friday everybody. Don't let Hurricane Earl ruin your holiday. Earl is wimpy I can already tell. Now I will die in Earl. It was nice knowing you all.

Before I get swept away in the hurricane, I want to congratulate my oldest friend (meaning longevity of the friendship, not that shes 100) Jessica. On August 7th she got married but nobody cares about that because this week she signed up for CrossFit!!!!!! She will be going to classes in Plymouth, and she will soon be the greatest CrossFitter of all time except for me. I have included a picture of Jess that I think really highlights her natural beauty and talents...GOOD LUCK JESSICA!

WTF?

I cant tell if this is a joke or not. This morning I was browsing blogs to shamelessly steal ideas for Health Gone Wild, and I came across this little gem. Its a guy who loves being fat, but not all over his body, in his upper body ONLY. He makes it VERY clear that he has regular legs and a small butt. I found this funny because when I was a fatty I also had regular legs and a small butt. This sucked for me because dudes like junk in the trunk, not a girl who is Roseanne on the top and Steven Tyler on the bottom. But whatever, now I am Fergie except taller and without the crazy face. Ok I MIGHT be exaggerating but Health Gone Wild is judgment free except that we judge the guy who writes this blog because he is just asking for it....





Before everyone gets mad at me and says I am hating on fat people I want to say that NO IM NOT. Don't forget, I WAS a fat person. I just think that there is a major difference between being a happy person who respects themselves who happens to be overweight, and a person who puts up websites about how ecstatic they are that their belly covers their mother-effing privates. Thats gross.

Nobody is perfect, and everyone carries a few extra pounds from time to time and thats cool with me. I am all for loving the way you look and being confident. Confidence is the best. I just think there is a fine line between truly feeling beautiful and secretly feeling terrible. I think this guy (if this is a genuine blog) is NOT really that happy with the way he looks, so his defense mechanism is pretending its his goal to get as fat as possible. You only get one body, why the hell would you want to treat it like that? I've seen those shows about the world's fattest people. One guy went to get married in a park and they had to tow him behind a giant truck on his humungous bed. Then the bed collapsed in the street and he missed his own wedding. So I think he is still single if anyone is interested...

I would like to know what people think about this whole Fat Acceptance thing. Is it a modern day civil rights movement to get people to be less critical of overweight people? Or is it a cop out for people who have given up on trying to get healthy? PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED. I LOVE FATTIES. I just don't know how to feel about this. I mean, if I started the "Society For Bitchy Chicks Who Talk Too Much" (I am going to) and claimed it was just not in my genetics to be a dainty little lady who lunches, would that be OK? What do all my followers think? Don't all respond at once, the tremendous traffic might slow down the blog!! :)

In Yo Face...

HA! I KNEW this day would come. All you losers who make fun of me for my raging crush on Shia Labeouf...CHECK THIS OUT FREAKS!


I am aware that this might not be "health" related according to some people...so here is a picture of my rich ass boyfriend exercising so hard and lookin so fly. Love you!



PS: Happy September 1st! Fall is upon us! Bring on the perfect workout weather, pumpkin beer, and Halloween candy...I mean...water!