Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Let Me Explain...

I have no clue how to describe CrossFit to people. When people ask me what CrossFit is I say the dumbest things. I start to ramble off weird words like “kettle bell” and “double under,” then things get uncomfortable, and nobody learns shizz about shizz. I think because I'm a girl, a lot of people think that CrossFit is like Curves. I have been asked if its like Curves at least three times. Is that all you idiots think I am capable of? Parading around in a ridiculous circle of machines with a group of geriatric women fake laughing at their tales of hot flashes and hemorrhoids? Even fat Haley wouldn't go to Curves. Get real.

I try to make it clear that CrossFit is probably the exact opposite of a program like Curves, but my explanation always leaves people looking like I just told them I chase lovable woodland creatures and strangle them for my daily exercise (that's only when I can't afford groceries.) I say “Oh, its a fitness program where you combine strength and cardio, and you do a lot of body weight exercises like pull-ups, and then you do Olympic lifting.” Then I get a blank stare and another add-on to the list of “People Who Think Haley is Out of Her Goddamned Mind.” Awesome.

While I think that CrossFit is probably the best thing that ever happened to me besides fat Gary from Teen Mom, the one problem with it is that ITS SO FRICKEN HARD TO EXPLAIN. The only way I can successfully get someone to comprehend what I am doing in the gym is by describing specific workouts, and people hate that. They lose interest. They start looking around, checking their phone, and texting their homies saying “OMG Haley iz a total d-bag LOL.” I cant be responsible for this anymore!

So I am going to try to describe CrossFit right now. I am going to write it out, and much like everything else I do, its going to be mind-blowing. If you still don't get it, its OK (no its not.) Just ask me a question in the comments!

Here we go:

So CrossFit workouts are really hard. Harder than almost anything else that you will ever do. Some days you go in and the workout is that you get seven tries to deadlift as much weight as you can. On other days the workouts are more cardio intensive.. An example would be, 5 Rounds of run 400 meters, 20 pullups, and 20 box jumps. Then there are the days where the workouts are quick and involve both strength and cardio. For example, the dreaded “Fran” takes under ten minutes, but I have literally shed a tear over this workout. 21-15-9 of Thrusters (google it) and pull-ups. I have a shirt that says “ I Love Fran” but guess what? I f*cking hate Fran.

Aside from the occasional “Run 5K” workout (maybe once a year,) the longest run you will see in a workout is a mile and even that is rare. Mostly you run 400 or 800 meters at a time (1 or 2 laps of a track.) The cardio exercise that you do in a CrossFit workout is just so far beyond running 3-4 miles I can't even describe it. Running 2 laps and doing 20 burpees 5 times is so much more difficult than just running for a half hour. Occasionally I will go for a 4 mile run to clear my head, and I am a better runner than I ever have been. People need to lose their mentality that you need to run for an hour to be in shape, and open up their minds to CrossFit, where you build strength and endurance AT THE SAME TIME.

Maybe this was helpful, maybe it wasn't. If anyone has a great way to explain CrossFit in one or two sentences and have people actually understand it, please let me know. For now, I am just going to stop talking about it and let my results speak for themselves. That's a lie, I never stop talking.

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