Friday, September 26, 2014

Don't Be THAT Mom.

I am 8 weeks away from having this baby. I can’t wait because I want to see what and who this kid is. Anyone who is newly pregnant or is thinking of becoming pregnant, I can’t urge you strongly enough to NOT find out what you are having. The wondering is the main factor getting me through these last 2 months.

I noticed when you ask other moms if they found out what they were having and the answer is “yes” they ALWAYS follow it up with “we wanted to prepare.” You don’t owe me an excuse. You can admit that you just couldn’t wait. I don’t believe the preparation BS for one second. You just WANTED TO KNOW. That is fine. Own it. I am surprised that I was able to do this without caving in. No excuses play like a champion.

Another thing I noticed about pregnant/new mothers is that they lie their heads off about everything. If I didn’t have the most honest friends and mother in the world, I wouldn’t know ANYTHING about all the gross shit that happens in pregnancy. Moms are SO obsessed with acting perfect. It’s so bizarre. NOBODY ENJOYS EVERY SECOND OF PREGNANCY. Want to know the things that have happened to me? My boobs leak. If I walk for more than 15 minutes it feels like I have balls. Recently I have these 10-15 minute insane streams of thought where I think I ruined my life by getting pregnant. I don’t like it when the baby hiccups for hours on end. My hips ache. I have trouble breathing when I exercise. I can’t really shave my legs at all. I have bacne. Want me to go on?

I guess I just don’t understand why mothers pretend that these things don’t happen. Is it for fear of seeming like a bad mother? Well guess what….you can post as many pictures of your happy baby on Facebook as you want….I know that one time his bottle burned his mouth. Or you let him sit in a shitty diaper for 2 hours before realizing it. Or he fell out of the swing. I am not saying post “OMG my kid drank anti-freeze” on the Internet for the world to see, but Jesus Christ, the amount of expecting and current moms judging one another and acting like they are perfect is sickening to me. I have no idea what I am going to do with this baby when it comes out, and that is perfectly fine. Right now, it drives around all day with me listening to Drake because I am white and 29. We will probably just continue doing that.  My baby will be just as great as yours.

I think my main point of all of this is that I am not a fan of pregnant and new mothers who are SUCH MOMS. Like…keep a little of your identity. If your biggest accomplishment is keeping your mom fails a secret so that you can judge others, you are the absolute worst. I may have a child, but I am not infallible. I am a mess. Kids need to see that their mothers are people with likes, and opinions and senses of humor. You can be an excellent mother without jamming a stick up your ass. From what I have seen, a lot of people opted for the stick.