Friday, May 18, 2012

Here I Am!!!!

I decided to come back with a bang. I want to talk about politics. Well, I should rephrase that. I want to talk about how I want to punch Uncle Sam in the dick when people blow up my newsfeed with political bullshizz. You all need to stop that. Facebook is for judging people who have babies out of wedlock, not summarizing congressional hearings. How people haven’t figured this out by now is beyond me, but it’s a damn good thing I am here to set you all straight.

The first issue that I have with posting about politics on Facebook is that it’s BORING. I am not saying that paying attention to politics is boring because I think it’s important to be informed, but nobody cool is reading your stupid article about how Al Gore has a tiny penis. I might read that.

Aside from being boring, posting about politics creates problems. It almost always starts some 45 comment long chain of 2 people (Nick Ray and faceless individual) going back and forth and hating each other at the end. And while the two debaters hate each other at the end, everyone else wants to murder them around comment #3. Get a grip. Post about cats.

Another thing that really grinds my gears is that the people who post about politics are usually posting something negative. “Obama sucks, Scott Brown sucks”…you know something YOU suck. Be positive or be canceled from my newsfeed and trust me you DON’T want that. If I hide your updates because you are sitting there smiling like an asshole and posting articles about how Ron Paul farted on Tuesday, I am not going to see when you actually post something good and leave you an awesome comment. Suck on that.

I think what people don’t realize is that when they try to post articles making an entire political party look ignorant, THEY are the ones who look ignorant. You can’t generalize like that. Some people vote the way their parents vote and don’t care to question it. Some people are followers, go to college and become super crazy liberals that even regular liberals hate. Some people vote based on what the president looks like. Most people don’t vote at all, so why can’t we just be happy that some people actually put down the crack pipe and go to the polls in the first place. I put that crack pipe down and never looked back. Maybe I looked back a few times. But for real, if you really want to post about politics so bad that you might die, why don’t you just invent and don’t f*cking invite me to be on it? Yay!

I know I might have just left a lot of you thinking “ OMG..what should I post about if I can’t bore everyone with the details of Elizabeth Warren’s pap smear?” but don’t fret my pets. You can always post about the following topics: Chipotle, marine mammals, JonBenet Ramsey, most shows on TLC and anything to do with Precious. Those always get a guaranteed “Like” from your very favorite blogger.

Welcome back to myself!