I Couldn't Even Tell You What This Post Is About...

Weekends here! Lets see what I have lined up. Tonight...ehh. I was up at 5am to workout, so I give it until 8:30pm before I pass out on the couch watching Bridezillas. I seriously love that show. It makes me feel so much less crazy, and let me tell you there are some days where I am cruising on that crazy train at about 160mph. That brings me to Saturday. In the morning I am actually doing something important for a change. I am going to CrossFit Providence at 7am (sleeping in woohoo!) to do a 9/11 honor workout. I am petrified because there might be mad peeps there and I get performance anxiety when it comes to exercise. I have been told I walk weird, run weird, and look ridiculous playing sports, so naturally, the idea of flailing my body around for a crowd makes me want to pass on (not a typo.)

But after that workout is done, I am going to try to avoid getting into a pile-up with all the Providence hood-rats in their 2 door Civics, so I can get home and cook a whole chicken. Then I am going to eat until I puke right on the floor like a 2 year old. Its gonna be awesome. I should mention that I have absolutely no idea how to cook a chicken and also absolutely no American currency to purchase any side dishes ( I have 20 British pounds in the top drawer of my nightstand.) So Saturday night its me vs. the chicken. I'm predicting a sad, sad defeat.

Luckily, most of the time Saturday is followed by Sunday, so I get to watch football which is awesome. I don't even think I can name any Patriots players anymore except for Tom Brady and only because he is a car smashing man-whore. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy coming within inches of 20-30 heart attacks during every Pats game, so bring it on, dudes! Mother of Christ I love the excitement that comes along with a life of poverty and sobriety. Really makes you appreciate the things you have (coffee, a couch, 20 British pounds, etc...)

In case you didn't notice, I said poverty and SOBRIETY which means I am still not drinking. In fact I am more than halfway through my 30 days. Wednesday was day 15 so that makes today day 17!!! I feel incredible. Just like Britney Spears after she gives her raggamuffin children the old 1-2 with a belt (DID YOU READ THOSE ALLEGATIONS? WTF?) But in all seriousness, since I stopped drinking, I notice that I can think clearer, I have more ambition, I remember things better, I don't have to issue mass apologies every Monday...its the best. Only problem, I haven't lost any weight. I WOULD find this discouraging because its pretty much the whole reason I stopped drinking in the first place, but I noticed that my clothes are fitting better so I am pretty sure I haven't gotten fatter. If you have seen me recently and LOLed at that last sentence because I am actually gigantic and just stupid as f*ck, please call me. I won't even be mad.

Well, I guess this post is kind of pointless, but I felt like writing and wanted to give a little update about whether I had fallen off the wagon. I have considered purposely launching off the wagon and getting super tanked just so I could tell you all the story, but then nobody would be impressed with me and I will never be a true hero like Susan B. Anthony or Jared the Subway Guy. Just kidding I hate those two.

To keep the pointless-ness of this post to a minimum, I am going to post what I eat for breakfast on most days. This may seem random, but its a question people ask me CONSTANTLY. Whenever I try to convert someone to the Paleo Diet (so like once an hour,) whoever I am talking to looks at me like I told them to lick Pamela Anderson's toilet seat and says in their best Veruca Salt voice “ But what will I eat for breakfast, Daddy?”

OK they don't call me Daddy (every time,) but this question bothers me, so here is what I eat for breakfast. I don't want to hear about how you don't think you could eat this because you don't have time or you are homeless, or WHATEVER. This is what I eat, and if you would like to try it, take it for a spin around the block. If not, I hope you starve to death. Happy Friday everybody!

Some Days Haley Eats

2 fried eggs. I like them over easy. Cage-free organic. You don't want them from the factory with the maggots.
3-4 slices of avocado. I used to hate avocados. But I forced myself to deal with it and now I love them. This mirrors how I feel about Nick.
Salsa on the eggs.
1oz of Parmesan cheese. You can buy blocks of this at Stop and Shop near the deli. It's really expensive which sucks, but it tastes so good. If you don't know what an ounce is...I would say a little less than half a deck of cards.

Other Days Haley Eats

Plain Chobani Yogurt. I buy the big container which has 4 servings, so try to eat about ¼ the container in a sitting.
Sprinkle on some cinnamon.
2 Tablespoons of Trader Joe's crunchy almond butter.
One scoop of whey protein powder.
SIDENOTE: you can substitute the yogurt for cottage cheese to switch it up. Its not gross, cottage cheese takes on the flavor of whatever u put in it so it tastes awesome.

AND FINALLY...here is a picture of me having fun at the gym....If you want to picture me at any point during this weekend, just come back and have a look at this masterpiece taken at CrossFit508 sometime last week when I was delirious and had no clue!