Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Thanksgiving is the best holiday ever. I love it because its a day where I do absolutely nothing. Anyone who expects me to ever do anything on Thanksgiving is a dickhead. I will never host this holiday at my house, even when I am 45 and its the “right” thing to do to have your family over. Hell no. Come over for Christmas and I'll stick a candy cane up your butt or something....whatever you're into. Thanksgiving is my day to eat food other people cook, drink bottles of wine that other people buy, and lay around saying whatever the hell I want. And by the way, I'll be needing a ride.

You know whats sad? I have ranked this holiday as #1 on the list since I still believed in Santa. Even as young child, I preferred a holiday centered around eating over a holiday centered around tons of presents. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how awesome I am. Even as a kid, I knew that buying gifts sucks. I hated it when my Dad would bring us to Dollar Tree, give us each a 5 dollar bill and have us buy presents for the whole family. Buying presents is stressful, and Dollar Tree smells like someone is farting curry through the vents. No thank you. Don't get me wrong, I loved my Santa presents. But do new roller blades and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 beat a gigantic plate of turkey and no required trip to D-Bag Tree? F*ck no.

So here's the deal homeys. Thanksgiving = no rules. And I mean NO rules. Midnight to midnight you get your eat/drank on as much as you fricken want. I am going to make M&M pancakes for breakfast and probably get a donut stick to eat while my ass is being chauffeured to my aunts for dinner. I chose a donut stick because I think it will be the best compliment for my thermos full of Chardonnay. OK SERIOUSLY, THANKSGIVING IS THE BEST DAY EVER.

The way I see it, if you eat healthy all the time and exercise regularly, you deserve a cheat day ESPECIALLY on Thanksgiving. So you are lucky that you have me to teach you how to maximize your turkey day fun. Its simple really. Just eat very little for the next couple days to minimize the hit on your physique, and then when the big day comes just go effing wild. Just remember, once it hits 12 midnight the fun is over and you have to go back to normal eating. The LAST thing you want to be is fat for Christmas, but that's a post for next month!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!! And when you are 2 bottles of wine deep housing pumpkin pie with a fork right out of the pie pan...you can feel good knowing that your very favorite blogger is doing the EXACT same thing. SEE YA MONDAY!!!

I included this picture of me just because I think its awesome. Thats a giant pipe filled with water, so its a balancing act and nightmare city. It has nothing to do with Thanksgiving other than maybe it can be an example of something you could do on Friday to burn some of those stuffing and cranberry calories off your ass. EVERYBODY DO THIS ON FRIDAY!!!

1 comment:

  1. no rules!!!!! i never want to carry that pipe. i dont think i ever could.