I know you are all wondering where I've been. Nowhere exciting is all I can say. I have to do my job that actually pays me. Until you people start offering to pay me in money, food, and casual encounters, the possibility that this blog could go on hiatus for a few days will remain very real.
So, lets catch up on my life. Beast of the East. I'm doing it next year. I am already scared. But I watched all those girls do all those workouts and I had no idea who was winning. So as long as nobody knows I am in last place, I don't care. Nick was a champion. He got 30th place out of 102. He WON one event which was the best thing ever. I already talked about this all over Facebook. Nick, your 15 minutes are up. You didn't win American Idol (but you better or I will dump your ass.)
In other news, I am a fat ass. I have gained about 7lbs. Its been about 2 months since this started. I THINK some of it might be muscle, but I KNOW all of it is fat. Don't fret my pets, I will not let my body expand any further. I wouldn't do that to you. I have the tools to remedy this situation (cocaine and cigarettes) and I plan on taking immediate action. Look for me pacing around outside your local package store.
I know you were probably expecting some great post after a week of nothing, but I promise I didn't do anything exciting. I got followed by a man speaking Spanish at this weird mall in Walpole last Friday. That was fun. I took it to mean that despite these extra 7lbs, I am still hot enough to catch the beady eye of a 5'2, non-English speaking, stalker. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
Well, its the moment you've all been waiting for....HAPPY FRIDAY MOTHERF*CKS! Tomorrow, we are throwing a birthday party for my Dad. He is 51 and he loves Hot Tamales and ill fitting athletic gear to wear while coaching 12 year old recreational basketball like its the NBA Finals. Hey, go big or go home...RIGHT? Happy Birthday, Dad! I am not even mad you are leaving your own party early to go to a poker tournament. OK, yes I am.
Here is a picture of me eating. This food is not responsible for the tremendous weight gain. That's from the Butterfingers. I really just love Butterfingers.