Guess what? I did it! I didn't have one drink all weekend. Not one. I sat by the pool for two straight days and drank coffee. So now I am addicted to coffee. So addicted in fact that when I found what I thought was a $25 Starbucks gift card I was so effing pumped that I sprinted to my car and sped off to the nearest Starbucks at 100mph. You can imagine how irate I was when I exploded through the door and slammed my card down on the counter, only to find out that the card's value was a whopping 43 cents. Either I bought coffee with it before and forgot, or my uncle gave me 43 cents worth of coffee for Christmas. I hate my family.
So now I only have three weekends to go until this month is over. I know I can do it. I am just going to pound down coffee from dusk till dawn and think about how skinny I will be at the end of this month. Well, how skinny I will be if I can stop eating ice cream. That's the other problem. I eat tons of ice cream now. I think of all the calories I am saving by not putting back a twelve pack every Saturday and head right for the freezer. Or I actually get into my car and go purchase the ice cream. Fat girl gone wild. I put a Post It on the freezer that says “ BIG FAT BODY WEIGHT GAIN.” I know that isn't even a sentence but I have no time for grammar and I was/am all hopped up on caffeine. I'm not throwing out my Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup and Mint Brownie either, because what if we get a hurricane this weekend and I am trapped in the house with nothing but cat food and ice cream? What would I eat for dessert?
Aside from the coffee and the ice cream, I had a great time this weekend. I feel good. I didn't waste money I don't have at the liquor store. I didn't steal a plastic bag of miscellaneous beers from my Dad's fridge in the basement (sorry Dad, that happens a lot.) I didn't tell Nick I wanted to “talk about our relationship” at 11:30pm on Saturday night while stumbling around the house with a bottle of Jack with a straw in it. OK, that never really happened. It wasn't Jack it was Little Penguin. But regardless, here I am on a Monday morning sitting at my desk NOT wanting to throw myself off a building due to exhaustion and delirium. Best day ever!
I will continue with my regular fascinating posts about various health related topics, and I will also provide you all with updates as I journey down this booze free path of enlightenment. Wednesday is typically my “one man party” day, so lets see how I get through that. Right now I am pretty confident that I won't end up in the condition I have been in on Wednesdays gone by. Watching TV, eating Swedish Fish, guzzling two buck chuck, talking for hours about how exorcism movies are ridiculous because nobody has ever really been possessed by a demon. Literally, hours. Wanna come over?
Instead of my usual Humpday celebration, I was going to try this quick workout. I will most likely be doing this Wednesday evening around 6:30. You should do it at that time too, and we can all send each other positive vibes telepathically. Here is the workout:
Run ½ mile.
100 Air Squats
Finish the mile.
That's all. The 100 squats will suck. But it will be over fast and then I can get back to downing coffee.
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