I'm Baaaack

Alright. I am embarrassed. I haven't blogged since I don't even know when. I was suffering from writer's block. I would write and write and everything sucked so bad I wanted to die. I have about 5 half posts that I just gave up on. I think its Christmas that is causing all my problems. It just sucks all the motivation out of me. That's why I love Thanksgiving so much. There is no pressure to be in the gay ass Thanksgiving “spirit.” The Christmas spirit makes me want to do absolutely nothing except drive Paul (my car) around on dead empty because I am too lazy to get gas and eat. I am pretty sure that's the life of a big, fat 50 year old woman in an unhappy marriage. Merry Christmas!

Maybe I am exaggerating a little, but this whole writer's block thing is pissing me off worse than that time I predicted that that whale was going to kill the Sea World trainer and NOBODY believed me. Seriously, I called that. I hate marine mammals. Just wait until a dolphin kills someone and everyone says “ Haley, you never said that would happen.” I will solve that problem right now. COPYRIGHT 2010. I said it first. I'm psychic.

Well this is becoming quite the rant about nothing, so I am going to say a few words about healthy eating during Christmas. It can't happen. I mean, you can most certainly put in an effort, but its a battle that most of us will lose. I made a little rule for myself, that unless someone else makes me the food I can't eat it. So far its been working. But that's mainly because nobody makes me anything, except for myself. I made sugar cookies and ate 18 of them last Thursday night. I considered it giving to the poor.

Here is the bottom line. Try to keep your big fat face out of the baked goods until Christmas Eve. Then when the holiday comes, have yourself a merry little binge. Just don't throw up in the street after you eat like I did on Thanksgiving. IS ANYONE WORRIED ABOUT ME?

My other advice. Don't make it your “big plan” to get back on track after New Years. If you don't get so far off track in the first place,you won't have to go all “New Year, New You” and make everyone want to kick you in the balls. Just make a nice New Years resolution to treat your body right, and see what happens. Being healthy should relieve your stress, not add to it.

I will be posting on Christmas Eve, so I won't say Happy Holidays just yet. But I will wish you best of luck with your last minute shopping, wrapping, swearing, and getting further into debt. Christmas is so effing expensive, maybe the Jehovah's have it right. Look for me on your doorstep flailing pamphlets and smiling sometime soon!